What to say when someone you love is struggling

Lead with care and observations

You do not need a perfect speech to express concern. Choose a private moment, explain what you have noticed, and avoid making the conversation an argument about appearance. NEDA recommends using observations and ‘I’ statements, encouraging professional help, and avoiding simplistic instructions to eat or stop a behavior. [1]

For example: ‘You seem to be having a difficult time around meals. I care about you, and I want to understand what this has been like.’ This is an invitation to talk, not a diagnosis.

Listen without trying to fix every feeling

If someone shares fear or embarrassment, you can acknowledge the experience without agreeing with a harmful belief. ‘That sounds exhausting’ is different from evaluating whether their body needs to change. It lets the conversation stay with what they are going through.

A supportive response might be: ‘Thank you for telling me. Would you like me to listen, help you find support, or sit with you while you make a call?’ These are examples to adapt to your relationship, not a script that guarantees a particular response.

Offer a specific kind of help

Think about what you can realistically offer. You might help locate an eating-disorder professional, provide transportation, or make time for company. Ask before taking over tasks that the person wants to handle themselves.

If they already have a treatment plan, ask how you can support that plan. Medical care, nutritional counseling, and therapy serve different needs; informal encouragement cannot replace them. [2]

Keep the door open

An uncomfortable first conversation is not necessarily the end of the discussion. You can say: ‘We don’t have to solve this tonight. I still care, and I’m here to help you connect with support.’ Avoid promising secrecy if health or safety may be at risk.

If you are supporting a child, involve an appropriate caregiver or healthcare professional. In an emergency, seek urgent help rather than waiting for the person to feel ready to talk. [1]

Explore care at Rumi Counseling

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